I was thinking about my name the other day, which led me to think about Edgar Allen Poe, which led me to think about gothic literature which led me to want to write a little something of my own. My life is not very dark however and this caused a bit of a problem for me so I pulled on a little something some of you might be familiar with. I don't really mean any of this so please don't get scared (while i do want you to think it's scary) and don't think that i need help or am contemplating suicide or anything like that. Also, please don't lecture me for writing this. I do however want you to let me know if you think it's any good. again, don't take any of this seriously, i don't mean it, even when it sounds like i might. I was just using it to write. so check it:
They stand and they stare and they laugh in their minds
On their faces expressions of fear and of cries
You can tell so precisely when you look in their eyes
It's a show to them to watch you fall down on the floor
to bang your head violently up against a board
It's funny to them as the blood starts to pour
and your eyes rolling back to see inside your skull.
"How bout next time you try it as you drive?
We'll see if you crash and make it out alive."
They place bets and gamble and see who will win
and they pretend to care with their quiet chagrin.
All they want is the blood and the guts and the gore
and when mine runs out they will still beg for more.
How bout if they die? That'll even the score!
As if the pain that I feel when I fall ain't enough
the shame they throw on me makes me want to bust.
to burst out in tears and release every word
and place them in a verbal world of hurt.
Then I'll stand and I'll stare and I'll laugh in their face
as I see them there flopping in my usual place.
I became insane with long intervals of terrible sanity. - Edgar Allen Poe
Apparently Edgar Allen Poe had epilepsy too! So, that was pretty cool to find that out. Pretty sweet :P
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I have to comment..only because I was moved and why should I keep it to myself..it is "pretty sweet" when you come across something that is "just meant to be" I have a question though..Is that how you feel sometimes? I know when I had a very mild seizure a long time ago I woke up with a group of my co-workers staring down at me and I was embarrassed because I thought I had fallen asleep on the job! But a part of me was totally vulnerable and my whole being was out of my existance for 30 secs or so, I could hear a train racing through my head..very bizzar. AND IT WAS SCARY. Not so much the attack, it's the waking up, the confusion.
ReplyDeleteMy whole heart goes out to you little brother, wish I could hug you and take care of you. No matter the fact that you are all grown up..I'll never foget you as a child. (just so you know my emotions are taking over me) my tears are rolling down my face. Wish I could go back to those days when you used to me hold my hand and ask me questions about life, and laugh and play..When I hear your voice..I still hear that sweet kid..Reality hurts.. I miss you. I'm hear for you always, Please remember that. I LOVE YOU and I THANK GOD FOR YOU. My baby brother..
-your sister Rosie
hi Rosie :) thank you for the comment. i really do appreciate you revealing your emotions like that. You had one before? i didn't know that. yeah, it is kinda scary... and the whole disorientation part is really wierd too. you wake up and everyone is looking at you, (which is a little embarrasing despite people saying "oh you shouldn't be embarrased about that. it's perfectly normal.") and the most frightening thing is seeing all of them so scared! i remember the first time i had a "big" one. i had just walked into the house with hector and the next thing i knew i was sitting on a couch surrounded by Hector and Efren, two paramedics, and a 3 year old crying niece. i don't really feel like that, like what i was saying in the poem though. but it does stink to not be able to do some of the stuff that other people can do, or to take 13 pills a day that make you feel sleepy and slow down your brain. like, my parents have told me before "well, if you didn't have that problem we wouldn't mind letting you do that, but we don't feel comfortable with you doing ______ because of that." and i understand but it just... for lack of a better word... sucks. i remember that first time, hector says that he called the ambulence and told them what was going on and they asked if we had been taking any recreational drugs. he said no, but they said they were gonna send out the cops first :P then the paramedics asked me who the president was and i answered George Washington. the correct answer was George Bush but that's a common mistake. George Washington, George Bush, Curious George. close enough. to sum it all up, I guess I do feel mad/sad/bad/frustrated/whatever sometimes, but never at other people, just at the actual situation... but that only last for about 10 seconds (then i remember that my big sister loves me and i get over it ;) so thank you Rosie, again, for being there for me :) and i want you to know that i love you very much too! even though i forget to call you sometimes :P
ReplyDelete-your baby brother Edgar